Finding the Will
by CultofCullen
Summary: In the ballet studio, Edward has to remove the venom. What makes him find the will to stop?


**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of it's characters. If I did, I'd be making money hand over fist and flirting shamelessly with the stars of the movie. Too bad for me.**

"She only has minutes left," Carlisle warned, willing me with his eyes to make a move one way or the other.

I tried to fight the inevitable, asking Carlisle what my other options were. Frighteningly, there was only one option, and that option would leave a very cold and dead lover in it's wake.

Finding the will, it seemed, was not as easy for me as it was for him. Could I stop? Should I let her change and be with me forever?

No, it had to be her choice and only when there was no other option. I had to find the will. I hoped that whatever deity was looking down upon me would have mercy and give me the strength to stop.

And then I found myself moving unconsciously towards her arm, holding it tight just above the elbow where I could feel the venom spreading, and formed a makeshift tourniquet with my fingers. I took a few gulps of unneeded breath, making a feeble attempt to steady my nerves and my thirst, then turned her wrist up to my face and began lifting it to my lips.

I hesitated, only for a moment, before I placed her warm flesh against my mouth, but the scent of her blood sent off splintering, exploding rockets in my head and I felt dizzy with need. Her blood was a siren song, making me blind and deaf to anything around me.

The flavor tantalized my taste buds, sweeter than any ambrosia the mind could comprehend. Electrical impulses fired in my mouth, sparked in my burning throat, then cooled as I was refreshed in the oasis that was my Bella. I could taste the passion, the fear…oh, but fear was just about the most delectable flavor. She was scared. Was she scared of me? Of what I might complete at this very moment?

I could taste James' venom pouring down my throat…_sour_…replaced now by something so much sweeter. Salt, sweat, tears, love…I tasted love. Not the kind of love you read in teen romance novels, but fiery, passionate, all-consuming love. It scorched me from the inside out, devouring me like an inferno.

I became hard, the erection pressing roughly against the teeth of my zipper. It chafed and I wanted to grit my teeth, but doing so would have begun another process that I was currently trying to prevent for Bella. Guilt rushed through my dead veins as I realized I was getting off on draining her. I heard voices that seemed so distant from me, muffled, though they were right in my ear.

_Edward, stop….._

Her blood was like a drug, sending a rush of euphoria and lust coursing through my body. I felt like Superman and a rock star. A tingling sensation began in my extremities that made them sing with every touch of fabric, every breeze of oxygen that rushed past my skin…every sensation making me harder as her blood entranced me further.

…_.her blood is clean…._

The blood was clean, pure, fresh…_virgin_. My cock strained tightly against the denim, urging me to use my free hand to reach down and stroke myself to completion while her blood spurred me onward.

…_you're killing her, Edward…._

The flesh began to cool between my lips and I shook with desire to drain her completely. I couldn't get enough of her, short of being inside her skin. The thought of being inside her warm, tight flesh was wholly unbearable and unquenchable, beyond what the frenzy of thirst was doing to cloud my mind.

If I decided to end her life and taste the final drops of her essence, I would never get to experience that feeling. I'd forever wonder what it would be like to hear her kittenish sighs when I penetrated her core for the very first time. I'd never know the ecstasy of tasting her other juices, while my tongue flicked her sensitive bud, as she stared at me beneath hooded lids. I'd never hold her heated, writhing body as she came and screamed my name over and over again. I'd never watch her sleep as we basked together in the afterglow of making tender love to each other.

…_find the will!_

Like a magical spell had been broken, I felt myself pulling my lips from the cooling flesh and dropping her limb to her side so I could stroke her cheek.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. Please hold on. I promise you myself for all eternity if you just find the will to survive. Please, find the will."

I knew that if she made it through this ordeal, I was irrevocably hers and she was eternally mine, our souls merged in blood and tears…a marriage of the most intimate kind. And yet, I knew the monster within would never allow it, it's thirst growing with every second I was within close proximity of her pulse.

…_find the will…_

For her good, and mine, I knew what I needed to do. I needed to leave. I needed to be as far away from the call of her blood as I could be. Would she let me? Could I say no if she begged and pleaded?

And then she woke, like a fairytale. My own personal Sleeping Beauty. Her mocha eyes stared me down, questioning.

I tried to tell her, I really did. "Bella, you have to go to Jacksonville…" but those pitiful eyes began to plead with me before the words ever reached her lips and I was helpless.

Her blood I could refuse, if I needed to. I'd already done it once. But those eyes, those pouty lips, begging me to stay….

…I never found the will.


End file.
